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Mathematics

Romance Mathematics

• Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance


• Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair


• Dumb Man + smart Woman = Marriage


• Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

Office Arithmetic

• Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit


• Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production


• Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion


• Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

Shopping Math

• A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.


• A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

General Equations & Statistics

• A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


• A Man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


• A successful Man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


• A successful Woman is one who can find such a Man.

HAPPINESS

• To be happy with a Man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.


• To be happy with a Woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her
  at all.

LONGEVITY

• Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing
  to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

• A Woman marries a Man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


• A Man marries a Woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

• A Woman has the last word in any argument.


• Anything a Man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

• Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling,
  telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to
  them at funerals.