Friday, July 27, 2007

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Mathematics

Romance Mathematics

  • Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

  • Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair

  • Dumb Man + smart Woman = Marriage

  • Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy


Office Arithmetic

  • Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit

  • Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

  • Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

  • Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime


Shopping Math

  • A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

  • A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


General Equations & Statistics

  • A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

  • A Man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

  • A successful Man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

  • A successful Woman is one who can find such a Man.


HAPPINESS

  • To be happy with a Man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

  • To be happy with a Woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her
    at all.


LONGEVITY

  • Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing
    to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

  • A Woman marries a Man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

  • A Man marries a Woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

  • A Woman has the last word in any argument.

  • Anything a Man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

  • Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling,
    telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to
    them at funerals.