Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Chemical Analysis of an Element called "Woman"

Element : Woman
Symbol : WO
Discoverer: Adam

Quantitative Analysis:
Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from 25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have been identified.


  • Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet state.
  • Surplus quantities found in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

  • Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing, and freezes at a moments notice.
  • Totally unpredictable.
  • Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used.
  • Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
  • Non-magnetic, but can be attracted by coins and sport cars.
  • In its natural shape the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

Chemical Properties:

  • Has a great affinity for AU, AG, and C (in the crystalline form.)
  • May give violent reaction if left alone.
  • Will absorb great amounts of food matter.
  • Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents (such as C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave lotions.)
  • An essential catalyst is often required (must say you love her at least five times daily).
  • Reaction accelerates out of control when in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
  • Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic.

Storage/Shelf Life:

  • Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 28 years.
  • A short time after this, specimens begin to deteriorate, sometimes rapidly.


  • Highly ornamental.
  • Used as a tonic for low spirits.
  • Used on lonely nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).
  • May be trained to cook food, although great care must be exercised.


  • Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state.
  • Turns green if placed besides a better specimen.
  • Turns blue if proper reaction conditions are not met. Often shows signs of illogical behavior patterns.


  • Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego).
  • Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
  • Specimen must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.
  • Some of this species have been known to cause confused thinking and varying levels of insanity.

Note: It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, however, a certain amount of exchange is permitted.

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