New Word Definitions

• Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
• Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
• Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
• Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
• Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest Piece.
• Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
• Dictionary : A the only place where success comes before work.    
• Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
• Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
• Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
• Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
• Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
• Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
• Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
• Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.     
• Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
• Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
• Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
• Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
• Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway,"See I am not injured yet."
• Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
• Father : A banker provided by nature.
• Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
• Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
• Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
• Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.